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ask a latina: first post

6 Aug

Hola –

In honor of Sonia Sotomayor – who today became the first Hispanic/Latina on the Supreme Court –  and  inspired by Gustavo Arellano, I have decided to start a Thursday column called “Ask a Latina”

Whoever you are, if you have a question about Latinas and want to a response from a real Latina, well, let me know.  I will reach out to my fellow Latinas out there in my twitterverse and we will try to answer your question for you.  This is meant for entertainment purposes, and please refer to my disclaimer below.

Dear Latina:

Today, while watching T.V., I saw Shakira’s first video “She-Wolf” and she looks so damn sexy.  I can’t understand a word she says, but I don’t care, she is fine.  Then I switched the channel and I saw that Sotomayor lady and she was chosen to be a judge for the Supreme Court! Wow, then I started thinking – these Latinas are taking over the world.  Some are fine and can dance and others are successful and smart!

But, I wonder – are there Latinas out there that are both?

Best,

Dude Who Wants A Latina Whose Hips Don’t Lie and Degrees That Are Wise

Dear Dude Who Want a Latina,

As a Latina with multiple degrees, I must say that my hips lie. They lie to me, they lie to the boys, they lie to the gabachos, they lie to the Latinos….. well,  they are damn lying hips.  Especially when those hips are attached to a body that is attached to an arm that is holding a drink.

So, sadly I do not dance but I do have a the degrees.  That being said, my good friend Yesenia holds a a B.A, two masters and is currently getting her PhD.  Also – she can shake her body better than anyone I know.

Sadly, I must blame my lying hips on  my cumbia-loving parents, who taught me how to move sideways,  but did not blessed me with the gene of rhythm.  But  I know for a fact there are a lot of Latinas out there who can fulfill your sexy fantasies, but who will most likely not give you the time of the day because  they are just too damn wise.

So if you want to know more about Latinas, please google Puerto Rico (where Sonia was born) and Colombia (birthplace of Shakira).  Afterwards, go to the library and check out books by Gabriel Garcia Marquez, Isabel Allende and Pablo Neruda.  Memorize Neruda’s Poema No. 20 and absorb it.  Finally, if you are every lucky enough to go on a date with a sexy, smart Latina, recite her a verse of the poem and ask her to teach you more about her country’s culture.  Maybe she will be nice and at least, you can be friends and she can take you to parties so you can do the overbite dance with her friends.

Have fun!

Yours truly,

Wise Latina with Lying Hips

Disclaimer: we do not represent all Latinas; this is just a forum to voice your opinion – good or bad, unique or stereotypical – no insults or slurs will be allowed.

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